The Thin Line

The Persistence of Memory II

At the 5th Ave. 7 train station, I found myself hurrying down the steps and missing the Queens-bound train by seconds.

The train heading the opposite direction rolled in, and I had this confused idea that it would be the same train that would be heading back my direction. So I boarded the train, and in a few minutes I was at the Times Square stop, missing the express train back to Woodside. Then, as if by a nudge of fate, I found myself walking out of the subway car, exiting the station, and strolling along 42nd St.

Then this odd realization came to me: I never felt so peaceful in months. 

It seems lately, I've been going back and retracing my steps a lot. It's been a while since I last walked around Times Square after work. But in my first few years in New York, I walked through Times Square regularly. I worked in Secaucus and I used to go to the New York Sports Club branch at 41st, next to the Nederlander Theater -- where Rent was performed before the show closed curtain for good last weekend. 

Then I grabbed a quick and cheap dinner, like a chicken sandwich or something from Yoshinoya (not really that healthy, but I'm a sucker for that fatty, shredded Grade C/D beef dish they served), and went home. 

I think I had never been content lately as I was back then. Life was simpler. After a long day of work, I sometimes fell asleep on the bus from Secaucus (going through the Lincoln tunnel during rush hour by bus does that to me). I did yoga on Mondays, lifted weights a couple of days during the week. I was still gung-ho with tennis then also. And then I bought my first digital SLR, the Nikon D70.

I've been trying not to remember, but there are early mornings when I wake up with crystal-clear memories and very old, familiar thoughts and feelings. I remember those first two or three years in New York. 

And then sometimes I'd wake up with California in my head. I dreamed of commutes across highway 101 to work at the Valley. And then a dinner at Palo Alto. And then North Beach at San Francisco. And then fireworks, okonomiyaki at Japan Town, the first Spiderman movie and a really good burger. And then sometimes that mild euphoria while I drove to San Francisco at night for the first time. 

So at Times Square hours ago, it was an odd feeling. I was standing by the sidewalk along 42nd St facing the AMC theater from across the street. The weather being perfect and the sidewalk not as congested as I remembered, I just stood there for minutes almost completely oblivious of everyone and everything else. Then I found myself crossing the road and right at the middle of the cross walk, I looked to my right at the stretch of empty road towards 8th Avenue and stopped. 

For a second I wish I had my D70 with me. Not the D200, but the older camera. And I wished it was four years ago again and I had my D70 only for a few months. And I stuffed the camera in my old tennis backpack that morning. Or I had just gone out of the gym and was walking around with my first iPod.

Bukas Palad Concert in NYC

I saw a Bukas Palad concert at St Malachy's at Times Square (they're doing a US tour again I guess). I found out at the last minute and decided to see it. The last time I saw them was about two years ago in the same church.

What's special about Bukas Palad is really the music, some of which are classics composed by Ateneo de Manila's Fr. Manoling Francisco, SJ -- songs like "Hindi Kita Malilimutan" (that Fr. Manoling wrote while in high school) and familiar mass songs like "I Will Sing", "Anima Christi", etc.

They wrapped up with a solemn prayer and song ("In Him Alone") and then with a catchy Filipino song medley ("Manila, Manila", etc.).

It's nice. It's like being back in college.

I found out about the concert through a classmate from way back and her husband who are on vacation. When I say "way back", I mean a long time ago, like first or second grade. But she also went to the Ateneo in college and we had some common high school friends. It's a small city. Anyway, she had a curious history with a good friend of mine in high school.

The funny thing with most high school stories is that it's hard to get the complete truth because each person had a different piece of the story that never quite fits the whole.

Her husband played college tennis. Too bad we never got to play. On second thought, maybe that was a good thing... Hehe. He'd probably just get bored.

On Ash Wednesday, I Met a Girl...

I didn't drive on Ash Wednesday. I intended to attend the 6pm mass at St. Agnes close to Grand Central. As it turns out later I would not make it, and instead I walked from the Port Authority to the 6:30 mass at St. John's, which is sort of SFC New York's home church.

At the bus station, I met this interesting girl. I'd say she's just the typical white all-American girl -- charming, vibrant and bubbly (other people may have their own ideas of the all-American girl...). Apparently, she left her car at the parking building that connected to my office building (where I myself park. The bus stop is right in front of my building, so if I'm not driving, mass commuting is a good alternative.).

Anyway, she came up to me to ask when the next bus was coming in and I told her we'd be catching the 5:20pm. Then, after a short silence she started gushing.

"I'm actually going on an audition for a recording contract!"

Her name was Lauren. She sang in clubs around the city, she told me. She's been performing since high school.

"Hey, do you wanna hear it?"

And right there and then, she sang one of the songs she wrote. She was 23 now, and she was also taking lessons from a voice coach. "Buy nowadays I'm broke, so I stopped," she laughed.

We chatted for a while on the bus.

"You have a day job?"

"Yes," she hesitated.

"What is it?"

"I'm a server. In an Italian restaurant."

"I see."

"I have a 'day-day job' but I actually earn more as a server."

"Yeah, I heard the tips were good."

She nods vigorously. "Yeah."

Silence.

"It's a tough job, I heard," I started again. "I have a friend who's a server at the Olive Garden. When he's in a crappy mood he blames his job. Cranky customers."

She seemed to relate. We ceased talking and I fell asleep for a while.

At the Port Authority an hour later, the girl was panicking. She was late. She was meeting with friends before her audition.

"I'm going to rehearse in my friend's van," she laughed again. She laughed a lot. "That's my life right now."

23 years old. At that age, I was in Manila one moment, and then the Silicon Valley the next. The early 20's is a quaint phase in the average person's life, I think. That's about the time people enter the real world. It's also a great time to carry your dreams with you.

I was late for the mass at St. John's myself, but I walked along 7th avenue at a leisurely pace. Walking through NYC gives you a good reason to reflect. It's a joy -- even in the cold weather.

It was 7pm. I was now in front of Penn station And Hotel Pennsylvania at this point.

7pm right? Now, at about thirty minutes from then, I thought, I would be walking out of a church with dirt on my forehead -- assuming I'll make it to that part of the mass. Thirty minutes from now, the girl I briefly met will either have her recording contract or just go home with a broken heart. Along with her, so many people in New York alone will have their own dreams crushed or fulfilled. Thousands will be born and thousands will die. It's all a matter of perspective.

As if right on cue, the song I was listening to on my iPod ended as I walked up the church steps. I pulled out the phones from my ears and entered -- and found the queues for the giving of ashes shrinking. I ran.

I made a bee-line for the main priest but someone cut across my path. I scanned the sides and found someone with an empty queue, waiting. It was our Bro. Sal. I smiled a little and walked to him.

"Remember Marvin, that you are dust, and to dust you shall return."

 

PHOTOS: SFC Joint CLP

NO NEW ACTIVITY this year has made an impact on my schedule more than rejoining the Singles for Christ.

I've been so immersed in the organization this year that I ended up giving up a lot of my personal goals for it.

But Catholic Christian organizations -- or any religious org for that matter -- are not for everyone. And it's similar to your relationships with people. You may be meant to be with certain people for the rest of your life, while with others you're simply meant to share a season. There are a few whom you may spend not more than a few hours with but still leave an indelible mark in your life. So you see people come and go.

The photos below sort of chronicle SFC NYC's Christian Life Program (CLP), a 12-week program for joining the org (it's the same format used by the Couples for Christ). This time around it is a joint CLP of both Manhattan and Queens Units. I serve with the team (and as usual, document the event).

I rejoined the org for a number of reasons. My experience with old friends in the Philippines last year erased some of the cynicism I had for religious organizations. When I returned to New York, I looked for the organization I left in California.

People would call it "fate" or "God's call". To me in the beginning it was more like "self-inflicted punishment" (and at the time, I felt like I deserved something of the sort). But within a month or so, I've had some of the best moments since my move to the East Coast.

It's been both a joy and a challenge. People from the outside -- especially old friends -- usually ask questions like "which girl are you dating?" (answer: none of them), and then laugh. I'm glad they just ask about the social aspect of SFC. It's easy to just laugh at or ignore the half-meant dating jokes. But I don't think I can give a real answer to the bigger questions. Got a long way to go. Sometimes, you just have to believe that you're where you are for a  reason.

There's still a few more Fridays left till Dedication Night.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Talk 1

"God's Love"

Talk 2

"Who is Jesus Christ?"

Talk 3

"What it Means to Be a Christian"

Talk 4

"Repentance and Faith"

Talks 5 & 6

"The Christian Idea: Loving God" and "Loving Your Neighbor"

Talk 7

"The Christian Family"

Talk 8

"Life in the Holy Spirit"

On Frozen Hot Chocolate

And so, that elusive Serendipity signature dessert was finally in front of me, and it tasted...

[drum roll]

...ok.

Just ok? Actually it's pretty good. But I expected so much more from it.

I remember telling a former co-worker of mine about a little toy he had on his desk: "That's it?! That's all it does?"

He gives me this look and says, "You know you expect too much from inanimate objects."

Anyway, someone remarked that Frozen Hot Chocolate tasted like something from Starbucks. That may be a little accurate, but just maybe, it's a few notches up on the taste scale... though it still fell short.

Still, finally having it -- even if it were just a few sips -- was sort of special.

PHOTOS: The Tourists

Visitors from Home

Desserts, skylines, and smiles.

There's a first time for everything. In my case, it's being up the Empire State Building after more than two years living here (plus those numerous visits prior to relocation from CA).

I also finally got to try one of those desserts...

All grown-up

Downtown Manhattan

Midtown, the East River

Midtown

PHOTOS: July 4th at the UN

People and fireworks on 4th of July 2005.

Some were on the grounds, some  took their positions at the top floor of the UN building. We were sort of in the middle.

[Special thanks to Jess Veloso for the tickets.]

 

THE WAIT

Just people goofing around.

LIGHT AND SOUND

GOING HOME

 

Shiny Happy People

This series of photos demonstrates why I love ambient light photography. On the same token, I dislike on-camera flash photography.

The first photo was created using one of my favorite lenses -- the small, light and cheap 50mm f/1.8 -- and shot wide-open using ambient light at ISO 800. I love the warmer skin tones, and because the shutter is open long enough, ambient light is allowed to just gently light the subjects. Nice.

(I simulated a double-exposure "Orton effect" in Photoshop. I wish I removed that bottle of "sarsa" though.)

Using the large maximum aperture f/1.8 also blurs the patterned background as well as the bottle.

The rest of the photos were shot using the kit lens 18-70mm f/3.5-4.5. It's a great lens, but with the small maximum aperture, I needed to use flash. And it shows [sigh]. They look like typical snapshots you can get from a decent point-and-shoot camera.

The subjects are lit evenly when they're at about the same distance from the camera. But when they're at significantly varying distances, you sort of get that "deer-in-the-headlights" look for the closest subject while the farthest subject fades into darkness.

 

Tulip Season

It's spring, and it's tulip season in New York City. This one was taken while walking through midtown last week.

I need to get a pic of the red tulips.

I wish the Jewish Passover was done so I can order a macro lens from B&H.